Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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