Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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