This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
