it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
