i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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