just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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