Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
