wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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