so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
