after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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