the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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