Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He did a backflip because drugs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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