and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are two peas in an std pod
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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