we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
