is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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