I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
