It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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