There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
