The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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