Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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