He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
