Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
