Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
