You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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