Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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