I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
