watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize