Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
being pregnant is like rehab
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
