Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Randomize
