You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
