marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
