guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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