my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
