There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
