Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
