He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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