So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
