I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
