i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
