hotel room ftw
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
