I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
