hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
