i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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