Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize