I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
