There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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