Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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