god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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