and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
