a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
