he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
