i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize