last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
