Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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