Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
