cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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