just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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