so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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