we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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