I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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