I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
