in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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