And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
