Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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