Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
