Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
