Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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