Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
