so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
