If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Found the puke drawer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
