I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
