Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
